$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
