you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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