i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize