I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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