Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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