I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
