weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
