Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
