She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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