Ambien. No doubt about it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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