I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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