I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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