you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
