I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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