This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
