somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
