i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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