he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize