Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
