I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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