just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
