I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's always time for handjobs
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize