Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
