please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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