no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
