He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize