well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
