Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't put those talents on a resume
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
