ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
