then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
