everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
