cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
