kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
