Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
