That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
