Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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