Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize