His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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