I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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