HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
