Screwed.edu
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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