Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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