You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
