I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
