It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
