He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
