wat bout pragnant strippers??
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
