if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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