worst night to have a conscience
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
