It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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