I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
