the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
