thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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