we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize