I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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