Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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