im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
