I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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