Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sober January is a disaster.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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