you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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