I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
