Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
