guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
