It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this boner is exhausting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
