I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
