Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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