Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
