i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's always time for handjobs
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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