You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
