Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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