Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this boner is exhausting
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
