Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
